I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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