Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
