You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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