I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
