I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
