I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
