glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Welp...herpes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
