yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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