i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
