I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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