If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
