At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
