apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
