Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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