Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
