Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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