I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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