Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
