I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
