Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
