Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
