Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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