I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize