We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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