I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
