Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
