If i come over, it means nothing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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