I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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