Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
