you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
