like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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