how can u be prego again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
