I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
