I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My vagina is officially offended.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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