i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
