So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
