hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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