tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize