he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sext me about skeletons
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