Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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