she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
