So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
