If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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