I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
