I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize