Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
