i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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