and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
