My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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