just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
