So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
