i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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