I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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