and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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