I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
