I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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