Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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