it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They took my balls.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
