I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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