guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
