So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
