atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
