The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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