I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you have to choose: penises or morals?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
