I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
