im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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