he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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