I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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